So my wife and I had this argument last night, and it became clear to me that the truth is a hard thing. She gave her opinion, and I gave my opinion, and when it was all said and done, we went to bed angry. As I write this I'm foggy on the details of the whole thing, but I do remember that she was right and I was right, and she was wrong and I was wrong, and in the end, it didn't really matter who was right because we felt all wrong.
Why do we do that to each other? Why can't we just say "You're right", and go back to enjoying a love that defies argument? What is it that makes us gnaw and jab at each other like dueling trial attorneys trading objections in a tension filled hearing? Shouldn't we, after nearly ten years of marriage, be fully aware that we're not always going to agree and leave it at that? If only it were so easy.
The fact of the matter is that, because we love each other, we want to agree and be agreed with. The other fact of the matter is that, because we love ourselves, we want to disagree and be disagreeable. Sometimes the self just wins out and all we're left with is the empty sense of false justification. It's like our emotions skipped a meal... or ate too much. Either way we're uncomfortable and probably a little unstable. I hate that feeling, and I have the sinking sense that she does too.
I love my wife. We have a good marriage, and we rarely argue. When we do, we fight pretty fair, and by mid-morning we're back on track, but I really wish we would never have an argument again. Ever. We have enough to fight through these days without the occasional battle of opinions. I'm sure it's healthy to disagree, but what I'm feeling now doesn't seem healthy. When I see how my self ran roughshod over her self, and vice-versa, I just feel sick.
No resolution here, just a few frustrating thoughts. All I can say is that I was much more wrong than my wife last night. As usual, she was more pure-hearted than I, and rather than celebrating that, I tried to exploit it and tug her into my less than pure pit. My self won, but me lost, and she lost too.
I can't wait till mid-morning.